Yo I charged a $20 breakfast to ur room, will pay u back in liquor and schoolgirl panties, thx again for a fun time
Passed out on a playground for a while before trying to break into the elementary school. Erica thought her captain tasted like cat food, so she poured her bottle into her cat's dish and proceeded to eat it like cereal.
You win. Erica always eats cat food.
we're microwaving frozen margaritas its not the same without u
okay, prove you're not drunk to me. write 5 true sentences about me with correct grammar.
I am sober. Because I don't drunk. It is bad. People die. I like Domenico because o he bag women what up?
After we fucked, her eye wouldn't stopped twitching and she could only move her hand, which she used to put her number in my phone
I swear I could audibly hear her vagina slam shut when you walked up to hit on her.
And when we woke up we made beer pancakes. Great start to a family picture day.
He was standing in the front door with a kareoke machine yelling at the neighbors as the unloaded their van
you do realize that we pretended we were worms for like 10 minutes and inched around on the ground, don't you?
Euphemism? No, "pantsless vodka yoga" is a legitimate pastime of mine
The chick got into the cab with us and said we have 3 chances to guess what she just stuck up her ass. Hello to you to!
We were tripping too hard to figure out to tell him where we were so we sent a picture of me laying outside the tent saying "find us"
I wore heels to a golf store in hopes of getting laid. I've hit a new all time low.
I ended up changing her contact in my phone to "O Great Potato".
Either I'm getting old or the shit show is playing earlier than it used to...
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