We just got home. I got some malt liqour and a lottery ticket so I'm really doing a lot with my life right now
suddenly, hermaphrodite night sounds like a really bad idea
the outcome of this sandwich determines whether or not i do anything else with my day..
He is eating chips off the floor in the emergency room..
There is a large, jolly black gentleman in the parking lot of my appartment complex yelling about 5am jelly doughnuts. I want to be where he's at.
She just kept saying "bless your heart" to him while he cried because he came so fast. I think a Texas woman was just what he needed
And we won't even have to pay the tab if we die AT the bar. So..win win.
I might not remember all of last night but I clearly remember the part where I humped the mailbox.
Was there a Canadian at your party or did I dream that?
On the train at 650am after a night of clubbing and running away from a new zealander who was buying us beers but also licking windows
Got head at the top of a water slide over-looking the valley while wearing a sombrero and drinking a corona. Epic.
WHO TURNS DOWNA FRESHLY WAXED VAGINA IN A MAIDS COSTUME LITERALLY LAYING IN YOUR BED
I complemented his smile, he sends me a dick pic. Seriously?
Babe if there was a way to give a back rub and head at the same time that's what I would ask for my birthday, Christmas and of course right now. Please think about how and get back to me.
I texted him "my vagina is pounding for you"
I know, you made me proof read it.
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