My breakfast consisted of a slimfast and an adderal. My fridge is like an insecurity buffet.
You American Chicks are so confusing....1 day you are on my nuts next day you be trippin
Dude its not just American chicks...a small penis is the same in every language
do you ever just like the smell of your farts?
you went up to their shower, tripped in it, accidentally turned it on and then claimed that you like to "test everyone's showers"
I woke up and my clothes were soaked in the shower and I was wearing a Ghostbusters uniform. I'm shocked she hasn't left me yet.
When he came he kept saying "oh god oh god" and he sounded just like his dad. awkward...
in light of our recent drunken behavior, i think it's time we seriously consider hiring ourselves a babysitter.
Yes I want to fuck your friends but it's out of respect and love for you.
You fell out of your barstool, I tried to help you but you said if I got any closer I'd be drinking my meals through a straw, So there you sat.
her wearing orange crocs at the bar was definitely a great form of contraception
My boobs smell like weed again. This happens way too often.
Nothing is more confusing than dreaming about being chased by jets, then waking up with an erection.
So this morning when I woke up. I found my refrigerator open and no more food. It was empty, I'm home alone for the week. Where in hell did that food go?
Don’t eat the Doritos. Jeff was eating them while he was watching porn
Pro: 2020 made it easier to hook up with strippers
Con: explaining to Kari why there’s always strippers at our house
Pro: there’s always strippers at our house
Randomize
