bahahaha. this guy working at subway literally has someone's name tattooed on his arm, crossed out, and another name below it.
Crosby and Malkin: Two girls, one cup.
I think we should involve a squid next time we fuck.
u kno there is a reason i dont tell mi friends about u
Waaait I'm alsleep in myt car somewhere
I'd like to come home and be able to sleep in a bed that's not filled with crumbs from you getting too high and passing out while eating. This is seriously getting ridiculous.
Not much, just your average college male Sunday cleaning period blood out of the carpet.
Tell me you're kidding.
Besides scarred, I'm not much of anything right now.
They're not that bad of drunks, they come back to the vehicle with more stuff than they went in with, so its a profitable venture.
I had a drinkin contest with a person that didnt exsist, fuck withdrawl day
Hold on are you sure that we dont have another roommate?
Yes.
Drunk assassins creed leads to explaining to my father that "it was only a steak knife in the arm"
COME HERE AND I WILL SUCK YOUR COCK UNDER THE LIGHT OF THIS BEAUTIFUL ELECTRICITY
It would be magical, all 2 min of it.
She started throwing ice at me and started yelling, "Holy water bitches! This is an exorcism!"
I may or may not have tried to give myself a lobotomy
Like he's moved to LinkedIn creeping on me since he's blocked everywhere else & I'm just so confused does he think I'm going to post daily updates of my life on FUCKING LINKEDIN
I'm just going to use my debit card. I feel bad buying pizza with the money I stole from my roommate...so I'm going to put it in my piggy bank.
Randomize
