Did you know nanny-cams work just as well for recording that blow job on the sofa?
i have to go see a new gyno today. he's a male. i just took 3 shots of tequila. its almost like freshman year... drink alcohol, meet a strange man, let him play with my vagina.
Even if you were sober, spitters are STILL quitters, end of story.
I know I hit you with my car but people express love in different ways. Everyone is different.
I'm full of awesome ideas
Yesss you are. Im full of confusion. I keep finding peanut butter on my legs...
SLUTTIEST. 4TH. EVER.
The bride says you won't want any of the single ladies...
Let's let the open bar be the judge of that.
If she's telling you consent laws theres probably a reason
My dad just told the waiter to keep the pitchers coming until someone passes out.
K, so let's go ahead and say that mcnugget and margarita Tuesday was a bad idea
I have 3 texts in my phone that say "Thanks King Tyler". I think I've successfully drank myself into a monarchy.
If there was a tv show called "True Life: My 58 Year Old Dad Rolls Better J's Than Me" I'd be on it.
i spent my Thursday drinking before noon and not wearing pants
Come on, what straight woman, gay man, or bi person HASN'T scrolled through Justin Trudeau pictures after a bad day?
I usually do that but weve been going unprotected with tribal fertility symbols painted above my door
Randomize
