Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
On a scale of affliction to ed hardy, how douchy is in there right now?
Don't tell me wow. Tell me this is normal for college and in no way am I a whore.
He's so young, I keep getting a mental image of him in footie pajamas. It's cute but it's wrong. Or is it?
Know what was probably a bad idea? Using white wine as a mixer for vodka.
Well I'll be shitfaced all day the 4th in honor of this great nation... but I'm down for drunken camping/nature fucking on the 5th
seriously though if NH has the largest penis size... the rest of America must be very disappointed.
Apparently I was drunk enough to call he police station and ask if there was a problem with me.
I am going to paint butt plugs like little Christmas trees and give them as gifts.
You could paint cock rings as wreaths.
I just want to smoke weed and be the little spoon all winter. My modern day hibernation.
she stuffed her marc jacobs purse full of cereal
classy
Listen. The next time my first idea in the morning is "hometown buffet and a water bottle full of captain morgan", please make me go back to sleep.
she was sitting on the toilet asking for me to take a "cute facebook profile picture" for her
He saw my Halloween/ Costume closet and assumed I’m into cosplay. I’m going with it. What’s sexier, a cop or a nurse?
Oh no. He's definitely text-flirting with me. No straight man over 30 has any other excuse to use so many smiley faces...
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