90% of the problems in your life are directly related to your vagina
For some reason fuck navy didn't go over quite as well as say fuck michigan;
We made a percocet pizza. And then i made an unfortunate decision.
I hate that the only Italian aspect of me is I get red and sweaty when I drink
Just watched porn on a 60 inch plasma screen TV... So that's where the clitoris is
I woke up smelling like the ciroc you tried pouring into my mouth last night. I think my clothes are still soaked
why is there a fishing net hanging from my ceiling fan?
I told your dad we had a nice lunch and hung out for awhile. It seemed more appropriate than "I had a bite of his canned chili and then we ripped each others clothes off."
You don't want any of I have. Seriously. Its 80 proof rum that was 8 bucks for a liter. I'm afraid
I'm sure your liver is writing out a will as we speak
Just ate a chocolate chip cookie upside down. This is what having a degree does for you.
"But puppies!" Is not an acceptable excuse for trying to drunkenly steal someone's dog, you promiscuous midget!!
Did I hit my head yesterday? I have a bump on the back of it. Also I just want you to know that I don't blame you for me taking my bikini top off. If I want to be shirtless no man or woman on this earth can stop me.
this new dose of ADD meds is totally being waisted with the unemployed new graduate thing if only I could add my hyper focused side effects to a coverletter
How many fucks given?
0.12846
They were playing some sort of fast food scavenger hunt game as an ice breaker. Some chick stamped a Starbucks logo on my hand and told me to go find the girl with the matching stamp and fill her with cream.
Dave had an Arby’s stamp and some sorority girl grabbed him and screamed “I’ve have the meat!”\n
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