yeah, i liked him til i heard he had a sac that could apparently smother my face.
Somewhere out there, someone is getting laid. And then theres me, watching Star Trek porn while my roommate plays World of Warcraft next door
she just took adderol and chased it w dog water
I'm on his itunes. He has a sex playlist. It's actually not so much a playlist as 12 Kylie Minogue songs with a big gay Whitney finish.
You think they'd ask my permission before turning Pajamarama into an orgy. I saw too many of my friends dicks at once the door got kicked down.
maybe you should do the old hyperventilate, take a shot of vodka, sniff someone's hair trick
In the UK. Bar special, every drink costs a pound. I'm two shots away from being deported. God save the queen.
Quesedillas should not make me weep and drinking water should not make me feel like god is giving me mouth to mouth. Never again.
When she asked why I felt bad I said that it may have had something to do with the gin and cold pizza I had for breakfast.... And then I reflected on what my life has become.
woke up to find i out made out with his roommate before hooking up with him. breakfast was awkward to say the least
My sister just showed me a snap chat that I don't remember sending, it was a picture of me with two big macs in my bra with just the words "BURGER TITS"
you were on all fours in the front yard puking, but managed to hand the pizza delivery guy a beer and to have a nice day.
Dude get over here. Steven brought super soakers filled with colored vodka.
You cuddled up under the blanket because you said it smelled like Santa and vodka.
when i was on the highway she passed out and knocked my transmission into nuetral with her forehead...that was an experience
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