He kissed a someone with a penis
He kept saying "this is a bad idea" wasn't in his vocabulary. He left at 2 came back at 6 eating frozen waffles and he had a symbol, a moped mirror, and a new MacBook. I'd say he had a good time
What's a nice way of saying "You fell asleep, and I got bored, so I made out with your brother"?
There was a lot going on. It was easy to miss a 70 foot tall puppet.
I have been sober for so long that I miss hangovers... what is happening to this summer?
They got me high and left me at the mall with a giftcard for $400. I need an adult.
I just saw a herd of slutty loofahs run down the street...
i just wrote an ode to an enchilada dorito. i'll need that pregnancy test now please.
Just traded a sandwich for anxiety drugs outside the club. I fuckin' LOVE this place.
Going to the bathroom drunk while wearing overalls is such a struggle
I woke up this morning with a half eaten bagel and an empty pack of imitation crab meat in my bed. This is going to be my response to pick up lines now.
There's a quesaritto in the oven. Neither of us have been to Taco Bell in 3 weeks.
I was planning out a scrapbook to memorialize my affair.......and that's when it hit me, I don't make good choices. On the upside, the scrap book came out great and I am glad I saved all the gate passes from the airport.
Just zoned back in to real life and found myself chanting "noodle eater noodle eater noodle eater" at my parrot as he devoured a single macaroni
Russell is lonely. He needs a companion.
You're lucky you have a monster cock or most people may just laugh at your penis' nickname.
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