i find it a beautiful talent that i know how much pubic hair the girl in the next stall has just from the sound of her urine
If Jon and Kate can get divorced...how hard can it be for me?
Something growled at me in your dark backyard last nt. Hoping it was my landwalking laser sharks and not Andy.
It ended with me crying and eating pizza in my closet.
Honestly, your dog is in better hands with that homeless guy.
Went to the wedding reception, and he left with ALL of the brides maids phone numbers. I don't know how he does it either.
I don't know what to be prouder of: the fact that last night i was able to successfully find my way home from evanston with 3-d glasses on, or that i was able to make my way around my house in the dark with my pants around my ankles
Also I'm very proud of th fact that I walked my dog before bed. Drunk dog walking should be an Olympic sport; it takes SKILLS.
we probably should not get naked in my neighbor's garage again. just sayin
I like that we've become good enough friends again that I can make fun of your penis without it being awkward
Just saw a couple do like 5 Sakai bombs and my dad goes "who says love is dead"
Nope. Turns put my desperate group message for sex didn't work out.
Well you sent it to two guys who were roommates.
They could have rock paper scissored for it. My vagina = the prize.
We're keeping you on a leash this Saint Patrick's Day
Dunno. My heart says "no", my brain says "maybe" and my dick says "YES YES FOR THE LOVE OF GOD YES!!"
Omg I'm having dinner at chilli's with a guy who is arguing that getting a weed leaf tatoo on his neck will prevent him from getting a job as a dental assistant
Well that actually sounds reasonable
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