the red head has a bf
just because there's a goalie doesn't mean u can't score
Peanut Butter and turkey sandwich...this may come back to haunt me
swear to god, just saw some chick dressed in a full chicken costume buying eggs and telling the cashier that she "just wants her babies back."
buy whatever she's on. a lot of it.
I just wiped my face with a slice of bread. Lowest point of the night.
Whiskey and I have a long and stories tradition of excellence
It's like god touched my soul and said 'you will be great in bed'
And I just want to be like your tongue is not a FUCKING sword
I have 39 hot sauces from Chipotle
It's like earning obesity badges
My gynecologist got a full view of the obviously bite marked shaped bruises on my thighs. I just kept talking about work and hoped she wouldn't judge me.
My parents worry about me having parties when they go on vacation. Umm no it just means I'm drinking and smoking alone on the first floor of the house instead of the second
Hashtag Pathetic
He understood my need for pizza was more important than my need for sex. He's the one.
They also submitted to my demands for pizza
Did my extra credit for a class I badly need to pass at the bar of Friday's.. kind of sum's up my college career. Got a 90 though.
(440): please tell me you didn't have sex in my dress.. IT'S A VIRGIN DRESS.
He can sense you did cocaine and had park sex with a large ginger from Australia last night.
Randomize
