How, after 24 years of life, did I manage to revisit breastmilk
Don't you think facebook is a bit pretentious, suggesting friends and all? No facebook, I would NOT like to be friends with a girl whose fiancee I have slept with.
you ended the night by relentlessly sucking on my hips bone and hand demanding milk. you said it was because you were a tiger
I feel like ignoring a facebook event is a lot like a pocket-veto. The only difference is instead of opposing legislation, I don't want to go to your sketchy party.
Well on a positive note, crystal light now comes in margarita flavor
juast therw a cheeeeesestirng over the fnce. stuckit to sombodys car winheild... gonna luagh if i find it mlted in the mrning.
I fell asleep on the air hockey table and someone turned it on, scariest shit ever when you're that fucked up
the police told me I had to sign a waiver stating that my car will no longer be used for crime activity.
I should rephrase... I'm trying to not sit on other peoples faces besides my boyfriends.
I want the address of the individual responsible for strawbeeritas. I want to send them gift basket.
My greatest achievement in life thus far is being the go to friend when you have questions about butt plugs.
Why was I lying under a truck last night?
Why am I a human magnet for the worst dicks of the world?
Don't drag this out. All I need to know is if I have to put pants on or not.
You almost lost your european virginity to a Peruvian man waering a do-rag in a port-a-potty.
Randomize
