No one appreciates an amoeba in a balloon hat.
i feel like when youre not in my profile picture no one knows who i am.
if it walks like a guido and talks like a guido, i'm gonna fuck it.
We hadn't had sex in so long that I started queefing and then I couldn't stop giggling... I think he's mad.
her cat was choking so she kept trying to stick her finger in her cat's mouth while saying "it's okay kitty, just do what mommy does"
I'm so proud of us for fucking the same friend group before we met in a completely unrelated instance.
found out that hot proper business chick in my class A) did a bar crawl last 2 night and still showed up to class and B) is 19 and C) so not as proper as I thought D) is single. How the fuck does that work? Freaking superwoman.
So I think my aunt and her one legged boyfriend are getting it on in the next room. Traumatized does not even begin to describe what I am right now
Everything is just really out of control. I hear puking from three different parts of the house. Roger has black eye from being punched. Kaiser tried shaving his head, but somehow burned himself. Music is bumping, but everyone is either puking and calling out for help or blacked the fuck out.
I think i just shit in their garbage can, I'm ready for that ride u owe bro.
My intervention, when it happens, should have vanilla cake....buttermilk icing.
I ate 1200 calories worth of chocolate covered marshmallows and googled why it is okay to be single forever
I just quoted part of the Pokemon theme song in a sext... And it worked
Why would you get kicked out?
Well, an overweight man is currently not wearing a shirt. Or pants. And is getting in touch with his inner Chippendale. You can probably fill in the blanks.
My ex's girlfriend just invited me clubbing. Guess who won the breakup?
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