It was at that point the crowd that gathered realized i wasn't getting arrested, and passed the sobriety tests. I got a standing ovation from 25 strangers
she must wash her vagina with a dirtier vagina
not sure what i find more disconcerting, your text or the fact that i recognized that as a dane cook quote
Swine flu is the new snow day.
just got my tax refund and at bell. how do you say i want a grand worth of 5 layer burritos in spanish?
After Sake bombs he tried to puke into an alluminum beer bottle and shot vomit streaks in a perfect V out the sides of his mouth and hit BOTH girls he had bought drinks for that night. He was like an Icon of Cock-blocking yourself.
I fell asleep at the bar. And the bouncer threw a snowball at my face.
I may only be a second year med student but I feel very confident in calling that a micropenis.
I take it we used my cleavage as a pen holder last night during the graffiti party. Looks like the colours of Crayola exploded all over my chest
This girl just texted me asking me to drop her cheese. What the fuck for that mean?
We got back from the bar and started watching bizzare foods, which subsequently led to the consumption of large amounts of rancid lunch meat and small insects.
Well, my family didn't see me in my drunken super slut state at Summerfest, so there must be a God.
Last night was good. Things got bad when I found a sledge hammer.
Fuck it, if you can't drink cheep beer and whiskey with me, I don't want you.
Fun fact: the guy I banged last night. His middle name on his birth certificate is "Windstorm."
My fire has petered out without you
My Peter has fired out without you
That might be the most romantic thing you’ve said to me, unfortunately.
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