i was born a porn star she said
I know I'm all grown up when I don't have to take my pregnancy test in the store bathroom anymore.
My nipple rings set off the metal detector at the courthouse this morning.
Watching water boil has never been so amazing. I love wake-and-bakes.
If he really loved his girlfriend then he'd wear a condom when he fucks me.
Is it too much to ask that I wake up one morning with out a pic of your dick as my wallpaper??
That dog was the best thing i ever touched
We're taking a shot every time Landon Donovan takes a shot. It's clever, sort of.
The world is a different place when I'm actually having sex
Just lectured your brother about using condoms when hooking up with girls he meets online. I should be a fucking life coach
I walked in on him jerking it to videos of UFC fighters. The most awkward part: he didn't stop when I walked in.
How do you politely tell someone to get out of your house in Russian
Just so you know, it is really hard to rehydrate when everything is spiked with everclear.
I love you even if you are fucked up. If you fall, i'll just get on top of you.
Came up to an intersection and someone was blasting My Chemical Romance at like 9 AM. They're DEFINITELY having a good day
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