but instead of smelling like hand cream and homemade cookies, she smells like a yeast infection.
She trust falled out of a window. It was like that scene from A Little Princess but with a lot more blood.
I woke up next to her boyfriend and she woke up next to mine....
This is like a fucked up game of musical chairs.
he was very distressed by my statements that there could have been balls on shoulders without awareness
I'm having one of my monday morning walk of shame coffees if you care to join.
My cat clawed my face because i tried to give it a foot massage...never doing shrooms again.
I'll have to text you later. Trying to have civilized conversations with the boyfriends parents when I'm 100% aware I just blew their son in the bathroom 5 mins ago. Stay tuned.
If I had a penis, I'd want to put it in you. And I'd treat you with respect and pay for your drinks.
You pretty much lost your mind. Your ego has gotten ten time the size of your balls.
I miss the days where our biggest worries were who was gonna win battle shits.
I have like three friends I don't have sex with, what did you expect
I even put my vibrators back in the bedroom instead of the coffee table. If that's not growing up then I don't know what is.
I've decided to have sex with him one more time to make sure I don't like him
That's the second time the same cop pulled me over well a different girl was giving me road head
He put his SoundCloud on his Tinder bio. I felt personally attacked.
Randomize
