he just had his sister send me a message about how he's not a creeper
Was his mother too busy breastfeeding him to do it?
and the mascot is a pinecone. its really no surprise that people here dont get laid
frankly if you're gonna get kicked out of your place, hooking up with your gay roommate's boyfriend would be the most entertaining way to do it.
So on how many levels of wrong is it that I'm reconsidering my divorce simply because I don't want to go through getting used to shitting around someone again.
Just bought a beer belt to complete the Captain America outfit. I will do my part as a hero of America to pass out beer to the good citizens of America.
You can't buy drugs with a ziplock bag full of quarters, chuck-e-cheese coins, and a starbucks giftcard.
watch me
Chicken wings don't come back up an through your nose as easily as you'd think
I think I am calling out of work due to a hangover. I'm 96% sure there ISN'T tampon stuck inside me.
Vom Wallet is no more. We now boldly enter a responsible, adult era where we will not throw up liquor onto ourselves.
I made him fuck me with my coat zipped up and a unicorn mask on. That level of drunk sex. Weird and creepy yet highly satisfying.
Because my vagina is Ellis Island. All foreign penises must be presented for inspection and competency. God bless America.
I think someone tried to make a huge bowl of ramen in my bathtub. There's noodles everywhere in my bathroom.
He has a baby picture of himself on the night stand. I don't think this whole 'one night stand' thing is for me.
just put a ruler in a cup trying to measure how much ivve had to drink..... God help me
You would be successful and sober without me. you can't turn your bakon me now
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