we're getting ready to take strippers to breakfast. I love my life.
i wonder if i could find a boyfriend who would call me big papa
sure if you go to prison
a kid in a transformers shirt tried to pick me up last night at work. he also rolled up on a bicycle, the kind with pedals. do i look that easy?
i was just singing like a virgin out loud my mom told me to stop kidding myself
he just kept repeating that I have nice areolas
Woke up at 4:30am to my little brother shaking me. Apparently I fell asleep naked on my kitchen table waiting for the toaster to pop. 2 years of college completed and i still havent learned my drinking limit...
My printer just jammed because one of the condom wrappers I threw when we had sex in my dorm
I saw a crackhead in a ballerina outfit riding a bike while waving her hands and one leg in the air. Never seen such talent in my life
He's a loser but she says we just don't see the good stuff about him. It's like she's dating the Charlie Brown Christmas Tree.
Just looked for hours for the remote. Found it in my purse. I need to drink less.
PICK ME UP NOW I THINK THIS MOTEL IS A CRIME SCENE. also congrats on your engagement i saw the post on my phone while i was climbing out the window
Ya it was crazy the power went just as she was about orgasm and the vibrator got fried with the power surge
Last night at a party someone grabbed my ass so I just fucking punched them in the face then went home and ate a frozen pizza
Text me later if you aren't dead and wanna have a drink later
Well I'm back. Could you fill me in on what I missed?
You don't want to know. Trust me.
Randomize
