Chris' response to jim throwing up was taking off his shirt and saying WHO WANTS A BONER
a pedometer??? no beatles?Steve jobs just took a dump in CA and it landed on my heart
Goddamn it, are you fucking her sister?
did you know it's going to storm tonight?
You bitch. At least tell Laura she's a better kisser.
my roommate's gf just broke up with him and hes in his room crying and listening to coldplay while beating off to pictures of her...
I don't think blacking out in class is a good idea. But I'm game
i have this gut feeling friday is going to be interesting.\nAnd by interesting I mean I feel like im going to get punched in the face by his girlfriend.
I woke up in the closet and then I found my shirt in a bag of Doritos... how does that work out?
I feel like if anyone knew what an affection erection looked like it would be you
We had sex on a lawn chair while fireworks were going off last night. It was unavoidable that I got mosquito bites all over my ass
Those tiny little fruit fly looking mofos. They fly past the phone and I grabbed them like Daniel-San
I had wine for breakfast at 6am, that's how visiting my parents went.
I'm 2 seconds away from smashing the bottle and drinking it off the counter with a straw.
No one needs to know about the barren wasteland that is my vag. Sometimes i visualize my cervix rocking back and forth wondering where everybody went.
I just pictured that. It's reading a book.
please tell dad to clear the porn off his tablet before he lends it to anyone from now on
Also I literally googled "how to fold socks" so that's how my day is going. How's yours?
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