Well all I remember is going to sleep being big spoon to you and waking up being little spoon to *****
Ducking stuck downtown...all the fuxkig roads are blixkded
I feel like dying is the new "adopt an african baby"
just weighed my balls on my pocket scale. that high.
asked the girl next to us on line to take a picture of us and she shared her bacardi. i love white people.
I want the one making out with the dumpster. Is that bad?
remember our old mantra: why can't life be as easy as we are?
oh, so if i go friday and she's there, you are going to be my sponsor for not banging the crazy chick
The cab driver was nice enough to let you finish your beer in the car, but you crossed the line when you started to pee in the empty bottle
people came up our fire escape and one had a cut on his leg and he was beautiful so i told him i was an emt and bandaged it with princess bandaids
the cops accepted 42 wallaby way Sydney. and the cops, and cab driver accepted the new address. please tell the win i am experiencing
I received a sext from my girlfriend, and a deal for free chips and guacamole at chipotle at the same time. I have tasted heaven, and it is beautiful.
As he was going down on me, I looked over his shoulder and said "ohh a Christian mingle commercial is on"
He won't leave and I need to take a shit and vomit, quite possibly at the same time.
My hand smells like rave and peanut butter.
Randomize
