something must definitely be wrong with me if i'm chasing after a guy who cant even get it up
Oh this totally just became legit. My "boss" is puking outside my car right now. I win again.
We got them high and they had an hour long debate on the best way to get cum out of eyes.
you better fuck at least one or both of them.
Gonna post on craigs list missed connections - "I was that really drunk bitch that threw up in your car. I'd like to pay for detailing"
did she really put a helmet on, try to make a hole in the wall then pass out on the floor ten minutes later? if thats true ill be there in 15
He was in Alberta for less than a week and is already banned from 6 bars. I fear for his general well-being over there.
She was so morning drunk she asked the lady at brueggers for a bandaid and my self respect back
I misunderstood what a furry was. Come pick me up.
Im gunna just be that one ballerina in the low V leopard thong leotard and everyone else can be boring and prude with their little pink tights on.
Please collect your boy friend. He semi-passed out on the couch and trying to grab bums as people walk by. Anyone's bum, he's not choosy.
I just want to trick people into going on dates with me so they can bring back to their houses and let me use their wifi.
In all honesty the person most likely to secretly slip me drugs would be ... Me
Yeah, I'm just gonna try to repress that and remember him for his big dick and perfect jawline.
I just spent 3 hours in the back of an unmarked police cruiser. Best. Date. Ever.
The covid immunization shot lady also sold me a mondo bag of really good pot.
Randomize
