its not stalking. its research.
Is it weird that I have contacts who i've classified as DO NOT ANSWER?
Lol no its called college
I just spent twenty minutes with brandons dad explaining why head isnt typically considered sex...can we say awkward?
right. well i dont plan on getting laid till i find a respectable girl that i can make unrespectable
I think the camel was justified in biting me.
Fuck you for setting me up with the guy from the Nickelback cover band
Payback for not stopping me from fucking the guy in the wookie costume
Yeah I had this grand plan to bring flaming dr pepper shots to some girls and say "these shots are hot, but not as hot as you" but instead I lit the bar on fire
I don't get hangovers. Except once. And there is a massively epic story behind that, involving so much alcohol I should have died, and 13 raw hotdogs.
I'm in a dress, surrounded by Republicans, and the bartender just told me he's "out of Jack Daniels" in a very accusatory tone. Shit, is it only 8 PM?
My next goal in this relationship is to teach my boyfriend that there are valid reasons to be fear of dolphins completely.
His dick is a spiritual experience and meditation is very important to me.
We have an albino peacock in our apartment. It's beautiful.
Scratch it being beautiful, bitch just stole my McDonalds. Call animal control.
I'm literally trying to cool beer down right now in my car by putting it on my floor and blasting cold air on it
I I was gonna wake him up with a blow job but I don't know how he would feel about it.
I'm gonna make out with this 38 yr old. Mark my words. I don't even have daddy issues.
Randomize
