Im so sleepy and hes snoring super loud! i just wanna suffocate him, sleep, and deal with the body when I wake up
I have to brush my teeth today to feel like I did something.
she refused to get out of the dog cage till we sang "be our guest" to her.
Got home. Hugged Mom. The look on her face indicated she noticed nipple rings.
I want to hump her dimples until her face caves in.
So many issues. You honestly need help.
To the genius that put everclear in my humidifier: your time is coming.
I told her my hands were paint brushes and her vagina was my canvas
Whenever we go out my brain flips on autopilot, straight to blackout.
You wrote me a check. For zero dollars. For my soul. Dick.
I felt like a responsible adult. A responsible adult that may or may not end up shitfaced. But not heaving purple puke into a urinal like last time because I'm classy now.
He told me he sees me like a sister then 10 mins later tried to make out with me.
He ain't mine yet. Gotta have a third date before I pee on him and mark territory.
Oh. Wait. That happened on the second date.
You can't go around chasing people and screaming JUST LET ME LOVE YOU. We're in a public place.
There is a dude with blue hair and a samurai sword and another dude dressed as Dead Pool. I daresay standard social conventions are not applicable in this environment.
finals do horrible things to a person. i haven't worn pants since friday
I just drunkenly emailed my feminist dissertation as a resignation letter for my call center job. What am I doing with my life!?
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