i wonder if i could find a boyfriend who would call me big papa
sure if you go to prison
Dude...I'm drunk from Wednesday stilll.
well after he sqeezed a zit off his forearm i got the hell outta there
Whatever. We're stealing a penguin. Your not allowed near him... You did this to yourself.
I told him we can only be friends from now on & he said he knows but that I'm the 'best he ever had'.
you slept with him again didn't you
you can't just quote Drake AND compliment me at the same time & receive nothin. he knows me too well
i'm pretty sure i'm on the same train we took last friday..
what?how do you know?
it appears they have not cleaned up your vomit yet.
When I came home you were using a glowstick to eat peanut butter from the jar.
You're the only person I know who would say "we'll play it by ear" referring to a threesome
it's a "shave your legs in the cvs bathroom" kind of night
I love you, but you should know I'll always ditch you for weed.
I need someone to meet me at the end of the road and throw captain morgan at my face like they do with water at marathons
A zombie called me motorboat central while participating in an auction to motorboat my tits. he then proceeded to propose, insisting that he makes alot money.
You were greeting everyone with " Hi I'm Jess show me your dick" whether they were dudes or not.
You said "this is only my eighth drink" with like 6 separate drinks
Dude...are you really going to start sexting during our friend's memorial service?
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