Omg I def was not. I wasn't that drunk. I showed that I stuff my bra but I didn't whip my tit out.
he proposed by singing a showtune... he might as well have had a cock in his mouth at the time
I'm not sure which is more depressing, the fact that the hospital is making me put together a living will before surgery, or that all i'll be leaving behind is 25k in student loan debt
You know we had a good night last night when today I opened up my Google Translate application and the language is set to Persian and the phrase to translate is "I want you to suck my dick".
I swear god is testing me by giving me awesome guys with tiny penises
Remember that time i gave you head on MY birthday and you made me stop so you could watch the rhino part in 300
I vaguely remember a pregnant lady reaching for my penis. When was I in an elevator?
I remeber being on the roof last night and we put our heads togeather and we touched each others face and said "Hennessyyyy"
it's finals week and we've been blasting country porch drinkin since 10AM. there's been like 4 tweets about hearin us on the other side of campus
we told the drug dealer that our car was dead and we needed a jump so he would bring the drugs to us...
I got you a "sorry you think I'm pregnant" present
Walking towards a police car with full spotlights on you while being fully erect..awkward exp. for both parties
This is why people in Buffalo die of heart attacks. This and wings
Going to give your dick a friendship bracelet.
You start to question your morals when you wake up at 430 and there's three people naked...that you don't no
Randomize
