I can totally hide my daquiri in my sling.
Ps if we're still living vicariously through each other, you had sex on a beach last night
Did I ever tell u about how my buddy fucked peter coors's daughter and made a tshirt that said I TAPPED THE ROCKIES with her picture on it?
I wonder if he has realized that I have poured all if those shots he bought into the tip jar
You do realize there's a subtle difference between not remembering your outfit from april 17th of last year vs forgetting that last night you undressed in the street and were grabbing every dick you could reach, right?
A houseboat for a bachelor party is a terrible idea, we nearly die when on dry land, so how the hell are we supposed to survive a 3 day binge on a massive lake?
Just thought you should know, Im with josh now. Im no longer available for rent. I have a full time tenant now. Like, a year long lease at least.
Just got flashed by an entire bus of girls in school uniforms. We then had to wait beside each other at a light. It was awkward.
Would it be weird if your parents sold me weed?
I vaguely remember a pregnant lady reaching for my penis. When was I in an elevator?
We fucked like animals and then decided we actually liked each other so then we made love. It's a match made in heaven.
I had her buy me a cock ring, so we might test that out. We are presently playing yahtzee.
Cock rings and yahtzee. Like peanut butter and jelly.
I'll have you know my trust issues and my daddy issues are two COMPLETELY different topics of conversation.
We just fucked in the park on a bench and a guy with a dog walked past us and the dog walked right up to us while the guy stared at his phone.
Do you think it would be weird to wear a shirt that says 'big fun small package' from an ex for a first date?
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