I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
He said he was from Mississippi and my vagina clamped shut like a frightened oyster
I walked downstairs and there were 50 sorority girls. I wasn't expecting an audience during my walk of shame.
Omg!!!! Call me in the morning I just saw A stripper queef out a dollar
I'm so proud of us for fucking the same friend group before we met in a completely unrelated instance.
Well we're gonna drink when we get home and I just invited the cab driver to play beer pong
my mom was in labor with me for 32 hours, it's only fair to start drinking now.
And then as he was trying to conceal his boner from everybody, you said aloud "just grab your cock and get out of the pool"
Breakfast tacos?
YOU ARE A FOUNTAIN OF GREAT IDEAS
My only regret is not throwing up on the conveyor belt in the dining hall
She pushed me over. She offered me a shot from her tits. We're good now
How was the birthday sex?
Shit got outta hand. Honestly I think even my STDs have STDs.
Woke up with your brother in my bed...where do you want me to return him?
you just won the triple crown of sex! your prize is more sex.
The Dick I got last night was so phenomenal that I had to take a fucking personal day today.
Randomize
