Sometimes i look at the biltmore estate and wonder just how small George Vanderbilt's penis was...
just skyped with my friend to listen in on the people talking shit about me in the library. creepy or strategic?
The cop refused to sing with us, even though he was as happy as we were that the tow truck finally showed up.
Today I learned you can't titshake with a corset on.
First day of class and I'm in a bar drinking pitcher #3. Foreshadowing?
Just served breakfast to a bunch of hella drunk kids. They kidnapped the birthday boy for his 21st and he was wearing a disney onesy and bunny ears. They've been drinking since before dawn, why don't we have friends like that?
I don't care how sexy you think I look in my scrubs. Wanting a blow job is not a medical emergency.
Just cried to my husband about how much I'm going to miss my boyfriend... Maybe marriage is going to work for me after all
He and I are in a competition of who can sleep with the most people at work. We're tied at two. I could win this if they'd stop hiring damn straight girls.
I woke up in some kids room and he introduced me to his friends at breakfast as "Monica" so I just went with it.
must go to store soon wiping with panty liner ugh
I was so horny last night, I failed to let him know about my current bed bug infestation.
Dollars spent: $83, Girls kissed: 4, Girls slept with:2, Girls currently making me breakfast: 1, Fucks given: 0
I brought those bastards cookies so they can deal with my sex noise, fuck them and their roommate asses
Remember those neighbors I thought were FBI agents? Turns out they're DEA.
Randomize
