Who goes to Church hungover
Those who weren't lucky enough to go still drunk
Does getting a boner while watching the celtic women sing opera on ETV make me cultured?
just put a funnel in my mouth and pour the tequila in with a little emergen-c
For future reference, even the most well-intentioned game of whiskey pong is a terrible idea.
He crawled in my bed this morning, ate me out, and even brought me a panera deli sammie for lunch at school. I don't care what he lied about, all is forgiven him.
You know, I had the money for a pregnancy test, but at the time, tacos were more important.
We would have taken you home with us, but you were outside the bar measuring a randoms stream of piss by walking along side it... you said you were only at 32 feet and it still had a couple of grooves to hit.
He made me this shot called the allergen. It was a shot of vodka with a Claritin dropped in it.
I have a breathe right strip stuck to my forehead, several inexplicable bruises and I think someone tried to paint my nails with glue, but I still have my Santa hat. I'm gonna call this one a success.
Jesus Christ that hit just spoke to so many levels of my soul. It's caressing them softly
Doing bumps while the kids play upstairs. #bestnannyever
I just hope I don't wheeze during sex
He's standing in the corner rubbing his nipples and reflecting on poor life choices
I can't tell if my heart is fluttering because I love him... or if it's palpitating from all the coke.
I’ve slept with a Senior, a Freshman and a Junior so far. I’m a Sophomore away from hitting for the cycle
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