it really sends the message that i like to impregnate mortal women and have them birth fantastic half man-half god infants.
Just TALKING to him is better than banging my bf, imagine what actual banging will be like.
if we dont hook up this weekend, im doing both his roommates
Threw a lawn chair at the neighboors dog. I think I killed him. Come here and assess this
You started a dance party so that you could steal their vodka and shouted "sailors out!"
We left your bucket of puke on your doorstep to clean out yourself. You're welcome.
Remember when I referred to my box of wine as my briefcase and made all of those stupid jokes about working overtime? Thanks for ignoring my cry for help.
I don't know how we managed to stay up but we actually sat in front of her open refrigerator for god knows how long while she ate salami straight out of the package with her fingers and I laughed. It was a trainwreck.
This is the I'm sorry text for running around yelling don't shit on my rainbow, end up in the fetal position crying at 4 am in my car because someone shit on my rainbow
My uterus feels like it went 8 rounds with Mike Tyson. And that was only a quickie.
He's a doctor now.. hope he can cure his small dick
Would you still love me and fuck me doggie style if I had a dinosaur tramp stamp?
Side Note: Everyone in my office is getting engaged and having baby showers. And I'm all like, fuck your joy, I just want more string cheese in my life.
My liver is preforming stress tests.
Any chance he has an open marriage? That penis shouldn’t be wasted on one woman. It should be shared with all womankind, or at least me. I’m too good at sex to be deprived a penis that large
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