How does everyone that never saw me naked know I'm built like a smurf?
I'm going to shit on something weird... I can't wait
My poor mother should have just stuffed me back up her vagina when she had the chance.
So I used the "I've never cummed from a BJ before" line last night.
And that worked?
9 for 9! Not only does it give them a goal but they have a sense of accomplishment afterwards.
i woke up next to the toilet with a chipped tooth, somebody elses shirt on, and a random guys id in my pocket
I just fell off my chair and knocked over the table. People are staring. That hungover.
dream priorities were more important than voting today. don't tell me you wouldn't keep going back to sleep to find out who would win a fight between oprah and godzilla
I just can't promise there won't be a reason to hit you in the face with a dildo again in the future.
Just hooked up my fuck buddy with a job working for my dad...this can only end bad.
I'm so happy we share a mutual love of laughing at religion.
I will take a ruler to your dick so help me god
He doesn't have much of a personality but he makes up for it with his sexual prowess
keeper.
well i can officially check "have sex in a prius" off my bucket list...
Had a very good bday. Have the teeth marks and bruises to prove it
Did you put my shoes in the freezer.
Nope. I did however put them in the kiddie pool you pissed in in the living room before Tyler put them in the freezer. Ass hole.
Randomize
