we were so desperate we resorted to lego blocks. nuff said.
his tattoo said carpe diem which i thought was ironic considering his epilepsy
I just found a bag of teeth...
Cut a hole in the crotch of my onesie so we could have sex without me getting cold. Best decision of my life.
I'm starting a point system. For every 2 beer runs i do for u slackers i get a free bottle of Barefoot.
I was like a damn cattle dog, I separated all the sheep, I can wing man for anyone on this campus.
Wrestling for my wallet turned into us almost having sex in the middle of the hallway
Why are you there anyways?
Pickin up ball pit balls from craigslist
She sleeps with her hand around my balls. First I thought it was just a comfort thing. Now I think it's to make sure I can't slip away in the middle of the night.
My alarm went off and I went straight for your dick. That's dedication.
so getting blacked out last night has made my lips so beautifully red for pictures today... and they say nothing good comes from alcohol
Why did I see a weird snapchat of you barking at McDonald's last night?
There is a video on my phone of me suckling a bag of wine from your crotch area while you say "The Body of Christ" in a Michigan accent. I vaguely remember being offended by this yet I did it anyway.
I'll do whatever I want when I'm 80.
If you are still alive at 80 I demand a medical explanation.
someone is getting fuckign RAWDOGGED on this campus as we speak and it makes me FURIOUS
Randomize
