Nothing too bad. Lost a stuffed horse on a stick and tore my clothes off. Again.
Grossest hangover story of 09: Puked in the bathtub. I was in it.
I was high as a kite when I got pulled over by a cop and he asked me for my ID and if I had been smoking weed, I said no and gave him my debit card.
my little brother just told me that I should start chasing my vodka with slim fast. genious.
season finale of lost and an oz of weed. tonight my mind is going to be blown.
How long is it safe to eat only Hot Pockets and Popsicles?
The kids I taught this morning even knew i was drunk. One of them even said, and I quote, "You smell like my dad after he goes bowling."
I would describe it as pure and unadulterated shock, mixed with horror and a touch of nausea.
By the way, i got bored and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
You said your legs stopped working and then pulled yourself around the floor with your hands.
That explains the wood chips stuck in my nipples.
The two girls sitting next to me are asking siri "Like, uh, how do you know my name?". Do I fuck with them or fuck them?
I don't think you understand what laundry day means. I am wearing a swimsuit as underwear and my spanish club tshirt from junior high
fuck Derek. I choose weed. weed isn't angry and would never ask me to be someone I'm not.
found one of my socks in the dishwsaher... xanax
Why would I want a relationship when I’m the side dick for my boss and a few women from the gym
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