her vagina looked like a handful of raisins.
let's just say, the carpet matched the drapes. in colour and length.
It's a sad day when you have to slightly move your fupa to shave.
I imagine my 13 hours of sleep after my 3 day upper bender was similar to Jesus rising from the dead.
How do the people at CVS not know your living in their bathroom?
First thought today, I need a ventriloquist dummy that looks like me. This week's project has been determined.
When you put it that way it sounds like my vagina is a parking garage to be monitored by security guards
I say we go and bring jello shots with laxatives. 57% sure one of his toilets is broken
he gifted me a vibrator as he was breaking up with me. you tell me how my night went
I am a 5'4" ball of sexual frustration and vodka. It is that kind of night.
I could probably be laying here naked and he'd still be more interested in this thunderstorm
Can we just cry and dive into a couch-sized bag of sadness-chips, dip them in a la-z-boy sized jar of depression salsa while watching a show called 'Forget Your Hopes and Dreams, Just Kill Yourself'?
Just don't let me get too drunk. At one point I pulled out my dick and pissed at that party. Like on the wall.
Thanks for listening. You're the first guy I've ever worked with who I didn't want to fuck.
He licked me while I ate pretzels and chips. I was really living my best life.
Randomize