At what point did we cease to have vaginas?
Sometime in the sweat pants phase freshman year.
So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
Just told the nurse I wouldn't get on the scale. Told her to write FAT.
Intervention is following me on twitter.
wow.
I really should sober up and deal with this hangover
It seems to be one of those life decisions I'm perfectly content never making though
Whenever there is a ShotSki involved, I have no excuse but to drink, right? It's like a rule.
Also you know what's worse than drunk texting? Drunk leaving soup on your hot neighbor's porch.
Have you ever stopped and thought "I do NOT want to be inside of this person right now. Or ever." Because you should.
I heard drunk is the new sober. I heard me say that. To a cop. Can you come get me??
Well sort of got busted by a cop while having sex outside, so your call
I ordered more beers for everyone but had to finish them all. I promptly went outside and projectile vomited in the street. Three times.
Stop it with the monkey emojis. It's like sexting with Curious George
I already left my house once this summer. Maybe we could do something in October.
How long until you're healed?
Physically? A week or so. Emotionally? The scars of dislocating my knee at a frat and flashing my panties to the whole crowd wi never heal.
I ate cake in bed. Felt great
Randomize
