cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
i spent 15 mins trying to take money out of ATM with my drivers license saying, "what the fuckkkk" everytime it didnt work
he stole me 6 pairs of frilly undies and proclaimed "your ass looks like a 5 in those. it'll be a 10 in these bad boys". every girl needs a gay bff.
I woke up in my girlfriends bed with another guy laying next to me. wtf.
He's at the gym. He likes to get high and swim cause it makes him feel like a fish.
I know you don't remember, but the teeth marks on my face say it happened.
We carried on a casual conversation about plants while I gave him a hand job.
Yup, totally tried cooking bacon in the dryer last night.
I tried to make friends with the geese living behind Hughes. They didn't really like that idea.
Are you high?
I almost got on a bus to Langley Air Force Base. 99% sure that's not where I wanna be.
I'm not sure New Orleans is real. Even the grocery stores sell vodka.
Yeah, nothing like barfing into a grocery bag you just put dog shit into.
I was mad at him...then I jerked off. Now I'm over it. Orgasms fix everything, I swear.
Two grav bong hits and a shower later and I'm ready for company
It's like you say things that speak to my soul on a deep personal level
I just woke up in a prom dress on your bathroom floor, yea I'm 32.
Randomize
