I wish I could punch you in the face.
Sex on a trampoline was so worth getting a mosquito bite on my penis
Phosphoglyceraldehydration... why the fuck is this a word
right as i was about to introduce them she goes "old fuck buddy, meet new fuck buddy."
he acted like he had never seen anyone snort lines of adderall off of a microwave before. freshman.
Ok see being that I'm not present or participating your vague texts "neeeeed that" and "vagina" leave a lot to question.
he went up stairs with nothing on but calvin klein's and an eskimo hat, said hi to her dad, got a doughnut, and left like it was an everyday thing
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
I made people serenade her before talking to her and went on a condom run. If I'm going to be in the friend zone, I'm going to be its fucking king.
Starting St Patrick's Weekend, non stop flights on Pacific Whorelines to the scenic HotMessXpress. Get the cougars ready, it's gonna get weird.
Twist to Josh's story, he had a gyro in his hand and never dropped it even after he got knocked the fuck out
The walk home lasted longer than the sex. He lives in the flat above the bar.
Your drunk self managed to not pee on anyone's bed
Go me
I'm actually proud
We turned his nipples into a drinking game.
I love you so much and not just because your dick is perfect
Randomize
