is it wrong that i woudl like to tie u down to the baby changing station using the straps provided?
Just got my period. I'm not pregnant with Scott's child and I won't be having any sex tonight. This must be what they mean by bittersweet.
naighbors jacking off again. i swear its his friday night ritual, its like he knows the night wont be ending in his favor
im in Michaels with rachel and i see a little boy jumping around and waving a rainbow pompom. Welcome to our team little one
I really don't understand how I cannot figure out how to work a fucking can opener when I'm hungover. Yet I still retained the ability to take a perfectly symmetrical picture of my erect penis and send it to every person in Matt's contacts the night before.
The preggo girl brought her pet chipmunk to class today. fyi.
Your dad needs a mid life crisis affair thing, I could totally be that girl.
No, but I woke up here and my pockets are full of raisins. Like 6 different pockets.
Life seems so much brighter and more vibrant after you have sex with a 20 year old. It's like how Kansas was in black and white and Oz was in technicolor.
Omg no. We ate a raw pumpkin last nighr. We dipped it in BBQ sauce.
I never woulda thought that back in kindergarten playong kickball that'd i'd be 24 getting plastered in front of the white house and winning a kickball championship in a young adult drinking league
You just put lesbians and Hogwarts in the same sentence. Of course I'm in.
How do you tell a vegan you want him to stuff you like a turkey?
If I could figure out how to do him with his wranglers on you would never see me again.
Oral sex and brunch. The perfect sunday morning.
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