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dude why did you let me call her?!
i told you it was a bad idea and to quote you exactly, you said "no, it's a good idea..that's what people do when they love each other." you met her 15 minutes prior to that conversation...
i woke up with someone drivers licenses in my wallet this am...he said i don't have a business card so just take my drivers license
you know how you have to have just the right ratio of chips to sandwich? same goes for pubes.
Is it a problem that I find my wife's 16 year old niece sexy?
you have no idea how wierd it is to get nudes while talking to grandma
she's throwing a head of lettuce everywhere shouting HEADS UP and trying to get us to play catch with her. i'm scared.
Hahahaha you would not believe what I just pulled out of my vagina. Actually you probably wouldn't be surprised.
they were having sex on the toilet apparently and everytime someone knocked they flushed. it was like an auditory scoreboard of sex duration.
Its summer. Time to get to the freshmen before the weight does.
My mom just found my nipple clamps...... oh God why....
showering high made me realize that i should seriously reconsider my career path... id be a damn good hair shampooer & head massager
I'm by myself. some Midwest chick is hitting on me because I gave her a deviled egg. I need the distraction.
THIS IS NOT A LAUGHING MATTER, CAITLIN. MY PARENTS ARE FUCKING. LOUDLY.
She yelled “outlaw country” right before we heard the police siren
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