You know, as long as there were ice cream breaks, I would totally eat chips for a living.
I jsut got pulled over and passed the sobritaty test.
Good thing spelling doesn't count.
sex in a ball pit. and I thought ghandi did great things.
He fucked my earring out of my ear. Of course he's coming over again.
You'd be surprised at how many crooked penises are out there
the creek. my friends left me at a party next thing i know im in a breaststroke relay race with a bunch of randos in the dark
I've watched enough of my roommate's imported Japanese satellite to know when the exchange students are calling me a whore.
So in Aca Taco on grad night 1am, this bitch walks in alone drunk as fuck in her gown to the front of the line and says, "I graduated today...thank YOU"
Is it socially acceptable to stop at the strip club for the lunch buffet on my way to the airport?
All I know is when I checked my phone this morning google translate was open with "help the cow ate my robot" translated to French
Omphalophobia is a real thing. don't ever fucking touch my belly button again dude
There's a Taco Bell quesadilla in my shower caddy right now.
It's going to be like a slumber party but with ketamine
christmas shopping: 3 hours in the liquor store...
Someone's gotta tell him drunk sex comes before dating
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