all her text said was "asdfhdaufhudshfuds" and i knew that meant come over
How dare you send me a picture after midnight that isn't porn. You know the rules.
You know you're on day 1 of your period when the new mcdonalds commercial makes you cry
that awkward moment when your booty call gets snowed in at your place.
I'm reciting my presentation (beer in hand) on the porch to a snowmen audience.
Well it was 11am and we were walking to the market with red cups in our hands yelling NO JUDGEMENT at every car that passed
When he gets asked "is it in?" more than his name you arent missing out on much more than a petite tampon.
youre always welcome to strip dance on tables with me Mag. what are friends for.
I don't even know man. I was to busy having beer showered on me and grabbing some balls
My final act is to send you this message. I love you. Tell my family that I love them. Except my dad. Tell him I said "Eh..." while rocking your hand side to side. And tell Tim that I will always love the idea of him. Tell Caleb I love him so. Take care of Miss Kitty Fantastico. Tell the world that I will watch over. Good bye. I love you.
he had a beard, sexy nerd glasses and kept referring to his penis as 'this dick' its like jesus was saving my perfect match for my prime
I am serious when I say I think I broke a rib having sex with Kyle. It might be puncturing my lung. No lie. I might die today.
What kind of terrible faithless God would allow vodka and one ply toilet paper to coexist?
Like I'm not tryna become president or marry a doctor or some shit here, like one level above garbage is all I'm asking for
Drunk me started making nachos apparently but never got to the part with the cheese. There are chips everywhere
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