I cut holes in my blanket and put my arms through it. It's the sleeveless "Bro Edition" Snuggie.
today is my dealer's birthday. i dont know whether to give him the day off or call him saying happy birthday ill take a quarter please
im trying not to drink and cry in the same night anymore. i'll let you know how it goes
All he said was "Yeah, there's a lot of air down there. And penis."
Bad news is he broke up with me via text message
But the good news is I've returned as mayor of whoreville
I found her sitting in the shower having an argument with the dolphins on the shower curtain.
I have hooked up with someone in EVERYONE OF MY CLASSES.
That's how you know you deserve to be a senior
Don't lose. A little bit of my soul dies every time a beer pong game is lost.
Is a wave an appropriate goodbye when your one night stand wakes up and walks out towards the door while you are looking through the garbage for the evidence of a condom?
I love that your last three texts to me were "Drunk." "Getting laid." "In the hospital."
Don't smoke out front when you get home there's gasoline involved I'll tell you later
So it finally happened last night... I re-met someone that i've already had sex with. Had no idea who he was. Fantastic
So the contents found in my winter coats this year: coat 1, condom and 10$. Coat 2, condom and 75$ check. Coat 3, 2.05$ and a sunflower seed.
Obviously coat 3 had the best time since you used the condom and all of the money
We had a One Night Stand 6 months ago but he just Facebook invited me to his wedding. Who the fuck does that.
also i don't know what you guys ate last night but he broke the toilet
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