I have one thing to say: spongebath.
I wish that wasn't all you had to say. And by that, I mean I wish you hadn't said that at all.
I'm seriously so bored I'm seeing how many rooms I can masturbate in before I get caught.
Four. Poor grandma...
I know you didn't add your TWO random hook ups from the weekend to your FB friends AND change your status to "Good Catholic Girl" on the same day.
so explain to me why i woke up in jail this morning
because you opened a jar or pickles and a bag of fritos and layed down in the middle of aisle 7 while singing 'la cucaracha'
no more ever clear
Maybe we should try and tone it down a notch. The neighbors changed the name of their wifi network to "i can hear you having sex".
i feel like the wall was a canvas for his penis.
I forgot to tell you about my 7:30am Sunday morning run to the local convenience store to buy condoms, a du-rag and a shot glass
The cop actually kicked the bitches out of the cab so we could get ours. I flipped them all off as the door was shutting. That drunk.
Yep. My memoirs will be called "A Slore Worth Mentioning"
I warned you. Don't come crying to me when your vagina refuses to forgive you for this.
We had sex on a dog bed..
she came into my car to rip lines with our blow dealer as I was writing my essay on anti drug policy, i call it on site research
I felt like I was having sex with Joffrey from Game of Thrones. Needless to say how bad it was
I didn't even mind that he came early I just wanted to get eaten out and cuddle
i could have got laid, but instead, i threw up in her hair. you can cross that off the bucket list.
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