Doo rag and shades in the bar. You are missing your future husband.
have you ever noticed that homeless people never have acne. suck it proactive
I just tried to put my feet in my slippers and found cans of beer in them. Christmas in fucking july.
The little penguins are speaking with a hispanic accent. I dont know how to feel about it. Geographically speaking, this cant be possibly. This isnt cool.
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
Do you ever just look at me and get embarrassed?
I knew I fucked up when I woke up with the meat scissors in my hand.
It's all fun and games until you throw up hot cheetos in your drawer.
The best, and by the best I mean the worst, was the 7 month along pregnant chick in the skin tight body suit.
Celebrating anything "Eve" is never a good choice! I feel like my soul's been put in a blender on the "destroy" setting- in other news: Happy 4th of July
The ranger made you choose between a ticket and pouring all the beer out since it was a state park.
I've never seen you that close to tears as you poured out 30 beers.
He's a fucking asshole. Who gives good head. And seriously I have never seen someone less committed to hair color
Eating chips and sending nudes. This is my life.
Her tits are so fantastic they gave him a panic attack.
I got really worried when i woke up and there weren't any missed booty calls from him between 3 and 5 am. Apparently his gf is in town ...
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