That's because you're a slut. A slut fucking a fence.
There's a knife in my toilet. And I meant to ask you last night if you got a hair cut?
Is there a law against that?
Nope not at all. Just morals. But fuck it, this is college, not real life.
I wore water proof eyeliner just incase the first picture of me of 2012 is a mugshot
Party Liz is going to have to have her wings clipped until someone gets me some baby reins to wear
I hear sloppy seconds go great with fried rice
IT'S LINGERIE PURCHASED FROM A FLEA MARKET, THE ONLY THING IT'S GOING TO BE POSITIVE FOR IS A TEST FOR HIV
I feel like there's no sexy way to pull 12 condoms out of your bra.
I want to get back to junior year skinny- without all the drugs.
A man just squeezed past me in a tight space and said, "Excuse us."
I've just never heard the term serendipitous used to describe having one's asshole licked.
he was definitely tindering while i gave him head
When the sex is so good, you need three fans and have to chug a gallon of water after
Just get over here and light metaphorical fireworks in my literal vagina
We went there specifically for you to break it off with him and I walk in on you two in the bathroom with his dick in your mouth
but he had pizza... so i win
I give up.
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