I smell stomach acid.
if your phone is working sorry i called you at 2am. if it is not then i never called your phone at 2am
I walked in on him cutting a hole in the condom.
Is it weird that I want your dad to go down on me?
there were like 150 questions AFTER the application. you'd think for a store that has dick molding kits it'd be a joke
My male hookup buddy is gonna meet my female hookup buddy, let the awkward hookup games begin!
I'm on my "fiiiiirrrst" glass of wine- the quotes mean it's the last of the bottle- so I really need you to pick up your phone so we can talk about this
We ended up sleeping in the emergency room for safety (you know, well lit, cameras..) and then an ambulance drove us to the train station around 4am. great last night in australia.
I just want to have weird supply closet sex with him... and then I'll be all set. Fired, but all set.
being a senior sucks, I just started embracing my inner slutty college girl, and it's almost time to put her away...for like, ever. and i really like her.
Blood work from physical was all good, apparently heavy alcohol use agrees with me
You continued to run around saying "free the nipple" while "taste testing" every liquor on the premises.
It's best not to have your booty call on social media. So if they post stupid shit, you still want to fuck them.
It was like Lady and the Tramp, but just tramp and the tramp. And instead of spaghetti and meatballs, we had whiskey and cups
I just ran into my psychology professor at Planned Parenthood she asked why I was there and I asked why she was there and it turns out we both had a scare.#bonding because of abortion.
Randomize
