i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
Wedsnesdays are always enlightening. Tonights revealation: One should not smoke from something taller than their person.
My mom is getting really tired of hearing the excuse 'it's 5 oclock somewhere'
woke up laying on an empty pizza box and some guy was doing blow off my butt...i guess i should thank you.
I just threw up blood. Also i just remembered i got hit in the face with a 2 by 4.
i asked the cop if we could stop and do a chinese firedrill.... he said no.
Tried to figure out where I was without opening my eyes this morning for like twenty minutes. Not even close. Not even the right state.
Breakfast Clubbing as Juggalos. I can feel our IQs in freefall.
Question. Was fucking Laura an entirely regrettable decision?
like...quickly.
Im wearing a bra. Made of paint.
I wanna say I regret bonging a beer while having sex with Mike, but it helped me get thru it.
Let me know. Show me one boob if yes. 2 if no
The lady that was sitting beside me thought the best way to cheer herself up was to pet and ruffle my hair while crying and telling me her problems...
Two guys I banged regularly got married this week. I need vodka.
Why do all my exes just become Tom Hanks in Castaway?
That's a fantastic question. And an odd set of criteria to meet if wanting to date you.
Randomize
