The girl behind me at the dollar store said couldn't wait to get her permit, then requested a pregnancy test. God I love being home.
Do you think if Santa was real that he's have a big penis?
are you sure you're not interested? he's the dunkin donuts employee of the month.
tagging him in all 73 close-ups of your cleavage might have been a little obvious.
Get the fuck buddy a birthday present or not? He def deserves one, but how do I explain the debit card charge to my husband?
she refused to get out of the dog cage till we sang "be our guest" to her.
He was eating her out on the elevator. What a good man.
Most girls get hit on with a $7.00 drink. You get hit on with a $750K plane.
The thought "Ummm which pants am I wearing? ...I *am* wearing pants, right?" just ran through my head. I'm done. So done.
the guy I've been trying to get with saw my brother's genitals before he saw mine, so that's my life.
You don't have issues. You're a consenting adult having sex at work. Go you.
Netflix, eggnog, and bed? Maybe some hand stuff?
Sorry I've been a slutty nightmare this week
I've had way too many dicks in my mouth the past two weeks. Ready to go back to school and be a doctor now
Kay so its 9 am whose dumbass is gunna act sober to buy pizza rolls
Dude you promised
Randomize
