I'm reading about reasons for wearing clothing. IS THIS COLLEGE OR PRESCHOOL?
i lost my phone in the process of getting a condom out of my hair
as soon as his mom opened the door to let me in the house she asked if i would like a shot
it's gonna be a great weekend
You tried to call "time out" during the sobriety test.
At least my fat-chick-ratio has not been that bad this semester ...
You do realize there's a subtle difference between not remembering your outfit from april 17th of last year vs forgetting that last night you undressed in the street and were grabbing every dick you could reach, right?
This is the minute she broke up with me. If you're receiving this mass text, you are one for the girls who made me promise to text you at this point.
There is blood on the door to my room, I have to go to sleep
dude, where are you? this beer run has taken so long i read war and peace, took a nap, and shaved 3 times.
Long story short if you're going to get drunk on a sailboat at night leave your phone in the car.
I just used a gift card from my in-laws to buy their daughter a vibrator. What even are morals?
Dad is celebrating turning 45 by being drunk in a department store before two o'clock.
Ahha guy saw me buying beer, went "hmmmmm" and nodded his head approvingly. No words exchanged, but he has made his way to my heart haha
When I went to pick up Adam from the train station, I found him passed out, covered in gold paint and wrapped in a red blanket. someone had glued a gaudy green rhinestone to his forehead. He looked homeless.
I think it stinks she’s cheating on him. My vagina on the other hand is tingly thinking about a summer of sexual healing
Randomize
