my orientation roommate looks just like New York of Flavor Flav fame
Can I sleep on your couch? My wife just found my eHarmony account.
giving a 30 min presentation still drunk is like giving birth, upside down in a pit of snakes while being on fire.
I got really high with eric & scott.. they're discussing why words sound the way they do.. it's going to get messy
It was awesome explaining why I had a tiger with boxers in my bed, a little bit drunk, to a girl in a pre-sex moment
What should we drink tonight, I'm in the mood to be judged
Heard puking from next door. Looks like the third floor won't be any different than the second.
how are things with the new girl?
good, we have nothing in common but she likes being choked
I puked walking onto the plane. How do you think my post-Birthday hangover went?
I'm convinced that the Christmas lights in my room contributed to the great sex.
It's the building I live in, they were lucky I was wearing clothes at all
Noo.... Like in the attic of a crack house with nitrous and fat chicks weird....
Ok well i was gonna say you can only borrow my fog machine if you will use it to emerge from your room in a cloud of smoke after having sex with sarah, so yeah we're good
Damn Instagram explore page. I am six months in to some girl I don't even know.
we should most definitely have a fire extinguisher in the apartment. like... for sure
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