you didnt know i had herpes?
I just delivered a ham and cheese to a strip club. you were right this job is not that bad
New rule : you aren't allowed anything . Ever .
On the plus side this hangover is the tipping point that finally convinced my lazy ass to get some sunglasses.
He met a random girl on the bus home and decided to go to Spain with her. The blackout decisions are becoming internationally epic. He has work in the morning.
Quick question. What's the protocol on going back to a bar after going home with one of their bartenders?
Go back and try to find another to go home with.
I can feel myself smiling like 10 minutes after I stop smiling, and that's just like... so awesome.
So I was about the only one NOT pregaming or stoned at my aunt's funeral... Maybe thats why I'm the black sheep.
I just heard my parents fuck. What. The. Fuck. My rooms right under theirs.. My dad barely even lasted a minute. Im almost ashamed..
Haha! I've never met his girlfriend, so my main focus will be not saying,"you're the only person in this room that doesn't know what my vagina feels like."
URGENT INPUT I'm at a renesance fair after party and I'm 100% lined up to fuck their sword swallower OR their contortionist. Dont say both - which direction doth I roll?
I look like i have multiple stab wounds in my foot and there are footprints from the elevator to my room. What happened?
I offered him midol and told him "it always helps my period so maybe it'll help yours"
That means I have to put pants on. That is not something I am willing to do right now.
Just don’t be like me and break up between Christmas and NYE and then get blackout on NYE and puke in your undies.
Randomize
