She woke me up, whispered "I like the size of your dick", kissed me, and rolled over and went back to sleep
Drunk roommate walked in on us and asked if we wanted to go eat a sandwich with her in the bathroom.
I haven't seen any of my friends sober in months. We have classes together.
Outta milk. Using rum instead for pancake mix. Drunk Thursday is a gooo
Although, to be fair, I am both willing and going to lick marshmallow fluff off of your dick.
They better not charge my debit card for what you peed on.
Will i get arrested If i steal the salvatiion arny guys bell for ringing it to close to my hangover
Some girl came up to us crying that she lost her phone and you said "if it's meant to be, let it be"
the dude in the apartments across the street got a video of me railing blake on your front steps last night
shit like this is why i dont let you drink vodka anymore ..
Just bought a colored water bottle so my classmates can be so judgemental when I bring beer to class.
But I made it seem like I wasn't hungover at work, so that's a plus.
A log hopped out of the fireplace and caught the carpet on fire. Good summary of this election if you ask me.
sorry for running off in the middle of that heart to heart. free food.
You make me want to do things that I'm pretty sure are illegal.
Once again I let my vagina make the decisions...that and vodka :(
Randomize
