you should buy a sheep. A) you get an awesome pet. B) free coat
she was so wasted that she tried to tuck me in and read the jokes on the taco bell sauce as a bed time story
you better not pull some "waking up at 2 in the afternoon" shit, we have weed to smoke.
Can you please tell him to stop calling me ma'am? I'm starting to remember what it's like to have self respect
I feel like he's only with me because no one else would blow him.
I take pleasure in knowing how many gallons of booze we've put away in comradery.
I think we should measure in "bathtubs"
I am so proud of him. After eating the rest of our shrooms, he finally registered to vote
I'm ordering a French maid costume for my dog too. It's like a couples costume, except for losers with dogs.
We've started traveling with Michael and Patrick so we can pretend we're two legit straight couples.
A charade that fell apart the second another couple on the cruse found Sarah face down in my box on an observation deck.
Just woke up from a first date on the futon watching Arrested Development by myself, him cuddling another chick in his room. Simultaneously the best and worst one night stand in history.
Bonus: took me 2 hours to get home on the streetcar cause I spent my cab money on drinks for his friend last night.
Well she got high, deleted the essay she was working on, and then ordered dominos. We all manage stress in different ways.
There's a guy in a life size dick costume, and two guys with white shirts that are each half if a pair of breasts in a red bra lol. They came separate but when they saw each other there was some titty fucking in the street, it's only 11
At first I was nervous, then drunk me thought: What other chance will you realistically have to fuck a British guy?
I hate that I will forever be known as the girl who puked on the front lawn. That only happened once.
Im so unlucky if I fell in a barrel of dicks, I'd come our sucking my thumb
Randomize
