Dude. I just woke up without a shirt or bra on. Apparently I fell asleep with a quesadilla in my mouth. I can feel my liver hating me.
come over anyways, right now, right this second
it can be a super quick quicky, then you can go back to studying
wow, that sounds SO fun, please stop enticing me with premature ejaculation
"fuck a duck" is spelled out in chinese food on my counter... im kind of nervous to search the rest of my house......
So, you didn't have time to come pick me up but you did have time to get plastered and then write "champagne money" on every one of my statuses for the past month?
Just saw some girl biking on campus with a babyseat on the front. Baby included. Do you know how many points that'd be worth?
Had a farmer come into my class to talk to us today. He apparently met his wife on fb and just thanked jesus for his land. I think I am in the wrong major...
eat the baked goods on the counter at your own risk... i made them while i was angry and drunk so they most likely have pubes in them
Okay, just a casual question: how did i manage to get grass stains on the inside of my bra?
Bunch of Navy warships just sailed into New York Harbor for Fleet Week. Nobodys getting laid this weekend.
You gave me your shirt to use as a napkin every time I spilled beer on myself. Before we went to the bar.
As i was laying there shouting that he dislocated my hip he actually reached his armed around and patted himself on the back
There is nothing worse then the feeling after you've held in farts all night..
What's his name?
NO. FUCK YOU. I HOPE SOMEONE REPLACES YOUR LUBE WITH HOT SAUCE.
My sensibilities as a lady demand we cuddle on the couch, and THEN have loud, raunchy sex. Idk, what do you want to do?
You where banging on the wall asking us where we hid the door...you then crawled under the deck thinking you'd be safe. I told you to eat the nachos before the party...I told you.....
Randomize
