ugh. people who use coupons make me wanna punch a baby.
i stopped calling them hangovers and started calling mornings a long time ago.
there's got to be a less slutty way to tell him the baby isn't his
Why does it always end up with me crying in my car.
They high fived over us while we gave them synchronized blowjobs. In the same bed. Under the same blanket.
they're both coked to the gills having a shouting match about the powers and abilities of godzilla. and using the wikipedia entry on the topic to support their respective arguments.
My roomate asked me why she found condoms in the pringles container. I don't know what to tell her
I think I just saw my 8th grade band teacher trying to pick up a hooker
Dude. I'm busy doing PR for America. FOR AMERICA. Europeans think we can't handle liquor.
So we reenacted men's olympic skeet shooting using roman candles and flattened beer cans. That's all
I was convinced to buy a man thong.
But it's Armani so it's okay.
God I just out gayed myself.
Just lectured your brother about using condoms when hooking up with girls he meets online. I should be a fucking life coach
It's entirely possible that I'm fucking yet another gay guy
He uses Bing as his search engine...but he's great in bed. So obviously I'm torn.
Just got high with dad
Correction: more high. He's sharing gummy bears with me.
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