I just found out how hard it is to put together a fake Christmas tree with a hangover.
I was just handed a mimosa the size of my head. Stay tuned.
And then i had a penis in each hand. It was magical.
I just woke up to pictures of every angle of his dick I'll ever need to see.
im standing in line right now while the 711 manager calls other locations to see if they have the john cena collectors slurpee cup in stock...yep i need to get laid
Remind me again why sleeping with a coworker and his wife would be a terrible idea.
we went 3 years between hookups and she got a lot better. Amanda's moving way up the booty call pecking order.
Next time you're baked eat baked beans and potato chips together. Like dip them in the beans. It's so good
Lets trade lives
And i will lay in bed and piss all over everywhere, drink whiskey and have sex with married bears
It's a sad day when you can't take off your pants and drink a margarita at work.
I just want to lay in a bed of egg mcmuffins and cry
Haha I wasn't coming anyway. I'm watching Snow White and don't want to put pants back on. Those are completely unrelated. Have a good night.
Let go out that Thursday night!
Yess sounds good, I have to go turn myself in the next day because what happened last Friday.
I had nothing but condoms at the checkout, then grabbed a pack of Orbitz gum and said "gotta protect from bad breath" felt like a boss
What the hell kind of sad excuse for a bottom are you
Randomize