Omg. If Ina Garten Makes roast chicken one more time im going to strangle her with her white button down
all we ever talk about is how much i like your dick or my drug problem.
we just made rock paper scissors into a drinking game
He bought me a flower. He's totally getting head every day for a week.
He let me keep his flannel as a "good job" for the great head I gave him.
She's legit crying about wanting more sex. Holy shit.
They'd unbutton the overalls with their lesbian-tongues. It wouldn't even be a problem.
You need to simmer down or I'm going to buy you a labia leash.
Being home sucks. I haven't drank in like a week. Or smoked cigs. Or done drugs. Or had sex. My body is shutting down.
Omg. It's like you're one of those deprived kids living in a third world country. We need to save you.
You were buying shots for everyone, saying, "I got a tax refund. I'm a MILLIONAIRE."
Because its Monday... And I'm determined to just be drunk for the rest of the semester
A man just squeezed past me in a tight space and said, "Excuse us."
I ate shrooms on a frozen river in an ice fishing shack after a day of vics and beer and walked around on the river in a stupor. They made me bite the head off of a fish.
if a CSI technician examined our hotel room with a black light he'd think we hit the Pulse button a DNA blender without a lid
I wanted to write an apology letter to my vagina after that.
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