The more I sober up, the more sick I am/realize how weird dancing around a wine bottle was
And hes hitting me with his balls, really hard.
oh my god. my mom just found my pipe. she thought it was a dildo.
like i said, there should be a sitcom about your family.
you left him a drunk voicemail of you singing speechless by lady gaga balling your eyes out
Don't forget your talking to the guy who got arrested for throwing beads back at the Mardi Gras floats. You can't deny that's a first, and neither could that cop.
Can we please just celebrate being alive this far into the school year and just get drunk?
we're about an hour out, how's the weather?
cloudy with a chance of strippers and cocaine, you're favorite. welcome home.
Saw a guy pass out and hit his head on a urinal. Laughing too hard to help him up
He came inside me, looked me in the eye and said, "Happy Mother's Day"
I woke up covered in his pee. And then he poked me on Facebook.
I would do everything over again, except the fireball.
I might go to an NA meeting just to fuck that boy in the bathroom.
So I almost broadcasted the porn from my phone to the boardroom chrome cast
It was bad. U were calling my cat "kittiano" and playing her like a piano. Way too drunk my friend.
Yeah, I'm pretty glad I chose you to have drunken, sloppy birthday sex with.
That's the nicest thing anyone has ever said to me
Randomize
