planned parenthood is perfect for picking up chicks...they all put out
You were waisted for 48 hours and the only 3 words you said were yup, sure, and michigan
Just saw the first guy i ever slept with in drag. I can hear my grandfather saying "i knew she was a lesbian" somewhere
cum and cheesecake for breakfast...don't fucking tell me pride week isn't awesome
Apparently he always goes for the wrong girl so it should be easy for me to nail him.
Don't. You get on the 18 year old. I'll get on the 38 year old. Together we will bridge 2 decades of cock.
I was convinced to buy a man thong.
But it's Armani so it's okay.
God I just out gayed myself.
Running late for a date because I couldn't get my clothes out from under the dude I spent the night with in time to leave when I planned. This is my life.
She pinched my nipples out of nowhere as I was about to come... I think I found god
Shit on my own feet while puking from my hangover. Is this what 33 is supposed to be like?
Moral of the story: fuckboys never change
I feel like the first time i have to use my accident insurance its going to be in some sex mishap with you.
you had me at "meet me in the bathroom"
I deserve a medal for being woke up at 6am on my day off by your mother asking where your brother is
I WANNA... wait, will you kinkshame me?
Nah.
I WANNA KNOW WHAT HE SMELLS LIKE
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