I just did your MASH and your life is pretty unfortunate. Youre marrying the tech guy for love. you live in a shack and you're a hooker and you make $1 a day. you drive a brown limo and you have 7 kids
it hurts more in the daytime
just so you know, your brother isn't driving home wasted tonight. he is, instead, in my dorm shower screaming about rubbing his butt with my loofah; thought you would be proud
Just traded a samurai sword for some drugs. It's gonna be one random ass night
I found out what happened to my eye. I punched myself in the face.
I just want dates and sex but the option to have that with whoever whenever I want
Yeah when I texted her last night the only response I got was "stoned eating cobbler."
Will you fuck me while I eat my burrito though? I'm kind of hungry.
mom how many of the songs from my childhood are mexican drinking songs?
all of them.
You have to just make a conscious effort not to make out with people when he's around if you want to keep him in your life?
Life should not be this hard with a dick this big.
hold on i need to sex proof my eyelashes. thank godd for waterproof mascara
Nope. Im a prince of the americas. I treat my women like future queens. Also, im drunk watching the royal wedding
Yep, you're going to hell.
I take on this great possibility with a beer in one hand and the girl I'm gonna fuck later in the other
I just want this to serve as a reminder in the morning that the topic of conversation at last call was the penis size of jesus.
Randomize
