I cheated on you last night. I slept with my laptop.
so he went down on me and i thought i heard him say "you're smelly" to my vagina
i got awkward and finally asked him what he said
he actually said "you want some dick?" to my vagina. which is worse? either way he's talking to it
Haha I wonder if my burp offended him. So I gave him a fist pump to signify how friendly I am
I'm wearing the bright blue sombrero all through the airport as a sign of triumph that I survived spring break. I'm getting compliments
I am trying to think of a way to make alcohol cupcakes
I'don't know who your are but its that time a day. Drunk it up. Did you buy a House for goundhogs days?
dude you cant keep breaking into my house just to raid my fridge.. especially at 3AM.
Hey have you ever thought about fishing cause I'd like to go fishing but don't know anyone that fishes and I'm gonna cry because. FISHING
It's okay. I've dumbed down my notes over the semester because I knew I wouldn't be up to understanding things come finals.
I just pictured ballsacks being shoveled into the furnace of the Titanic.
Why did you make me get in the car with you and then not give me a ride? I woke up in a bar with a blanket on me.
well, at the moment I'm sleeping in someone's closet in a buzzlightyear snuggie, so I can't judge,
I wanna die. I can't recall the last time I was happy that doesn't involve your hand touching my butt.
I assure you, it was not a Porn Hub Bee Movie parody.
sorry about your sharpie. alex wanted to shave the left side of his body so he had me draw a line over him with a ruler
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