I'm pants shitting drunk right now
In a few years, 50 babies 50 states. Like it?
I often get tempted to walk up to her drunk ass and say, "shouldn't you be taking care of your kid?"
i stopped calling them hangovers and started calling mornings a long time ago.
So in our children's lit class, some jackass little boy had gone thru the where's waldo book and circled waldo. I realize you would have been that kid.
Now there are two cop cars. If I go to jail I just would like to thank you for making me wear boxers.
I recommend just blowing him. It's always the way to go.
It'll be like a meth lab. But with jello.
I'll always be here to give you immoral support.
there's a girl in the coffee shop just eating a pint of ben & jerry's
SMART GIRL
I was just handed jelly beans by a guy in a penguin costume. Standby for confirmation on if they are actually drugs.
The less money I spend on drugs, the happier my mom will be.
I seriously just drove by a man walking down the street wearing hospital scrubs, an 80s track jacket, gold necklace and carrying a flute.
They had to take me to the ER because I got a concussion in a parking garage. Not partying with lesbians for a while
IM TRYING TO SAY GOODNIGHT STOP FOR LIKE FIVE SECONDS WITH THE DICK SUCKING
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