can you blame him?
i blame him for everything, HE GOT ME PREGNANT
when a 14 year old is judging you, you know you've had too much to drink
How do I introduce myself to her without coming off as "the guy who jacks-off to her profile pic"?
thanks for brining me home and putting me in my bed. the pillow fort your built around me is also appreciated.
The beers last night were like the tears from god
It was almost as bad as the time I peed on the floor of the Pentagon's subway station.
WHEN THE FUCK DID MCDONALD'S DECIDE TO QUIT SERVING BURGERS AT 1:00AM?
I would peed on everything
I don't care what you say, the fact that he's a drag queen with the same shoe size as me is reason enough to date him
I ate an entire popcorn ball before bed. I know that because there is popcorn stuck to my poncho. Also. I'm still drunk. Also. I made out with a 19 year old. Also. #barnparties
He really only has clothes, like 4 boogie boards, and a bong here.
I'm on the fast track to lesbian land
He sent me a dick pic. I am fighting the urge to send him a "sorry for your loss" card.
When he was leaving this morning he said I'll text you later on and I replied with if you don't that's cool too.
Ahha guy saw me buying beer, went "hmmmmm" and nodded his head approvingly. No words exchanged, but he has made his way to my heart haha
it was like 6 shots in and he was automatically my type
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