Do you ever think God made girls unattractive around their periods as a warning?
Drunk fuck. Had to tell him that the 5 second rule does not apply when your in the bathroom at the hockey game.
Just saw an old man buy two cases of keystone light, a case of milwaukee's best and a case of icehouse. Degenerate alcoholic of senior citizen of the year?
I'm so glad i pay social security
We Started drinking at 8am and left the bar around 11pm....I hate ALL green things
I am waking up at 7am to go to church with him and his family... I better get eaten out tonight.
I think I have internal bruising from those poses we were doing last night. My own ribs hurt me. I don't understand.
Do you think she hates me because I thought her roommate's name actually was Butterface?
can we get together and have a vodka water gun fight? i need to get som intense excersise/alcohol
i'm pregaming while finishing a paper on cardio myocyte contractility in mice. i'm kicking finals week's ass right now
I have bad memories with every alcohol but we manage to work through the problems for the good of the relationship
You mistakenly try to piss in a cactus bush ONE TIME and are forever dubbed cactus ass
I wore sunglasses to take a shower. I might be hungover.
Apparently 'ewww' is not the correct response to him saying he has to go to a funeral while I'm there.
WAIT this kid is eating yogurt with a fucking ladle. what is happening?
Upon further investigation my nipples are bruised and I have teeth marks all over.
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