Should I tell Kevin that my finger was in his sister's ass last night?
No, dude. Even Jesus hates Creed.
It's my diet secret . . . it's like slimfast but I call it cockfast instead.
Showed up 2 hours late and still drunk nobody gave me a high five. This intership is bullshit.
One reason I feel like garbage: Kraft single wine shots
Dude, you need to man up. You passed out before a PRESEASON game. It's a long season.
People around me are just doing lines of cocaine. Like its no big deal. And I'm just here like.... Y'all want some cheezits?
Topenga is going to be back on TV. Finally my fantasy of her being a milf in junior high has come full circle.
My mom just made me promise her that i'll care about the next guy I sleep with
Hahahaha .. If it makes you feel better I had a sex dream about a cheeseburger last night so I feel like we both lose.
Do you feel better now that you've sent me a picture of your dick?
Yep.
The sex was totally worth how awkward its gonna be for the next few weeks
Dude my toilet did not deserve what I just did to it
The best part of last night is not remembering half of it
This is getting exciting. I almost wanna turn off all the lights, get some popcorn, and stare at my phone screen to see if she's going to say yes or not
And on a much sadder note, I'm way to drunk for this right now
Randomize
