I told my rommate that he was pissing on his bed. He said "ok man" and took a step backwards and continued. He then went back to bed.
SOME GIRL ON THE STAIRS IN FRONT OF ME JUST FARTED AND IT WENT STRAIGHT INTO MY MOUTH!
no one should ever give us hovercrafts
If I have to take him to the hospital, I'm drawing dicks on his face
nothing like a walk of shame in front of a cnn news crew to start the morning off right
Its the anniversary of our epic NBA All-star game weekend. The night the two of us cashed a 30-pack while watching the dunk contest
IT'S LIKE SHE TAKES SECRET KUNG FU CUNT LESSONS AND THEN BRUCE LEES ALL OVER EVERYONE.
I Can't even believe I threw all my pizza rolls at her, I mean not only did i ruin a good meal but now I dont have anymore
You are so lucky you didn't go back to Tate's house. They decided to figure out who had the biggest balls... I was the judge
you take my contact solution?
drank it last night then filled it with brandy for the plane ride.
At the very least, I mastered a nap while occasionally being dry humped.
I don't know whether to be insulted or flattered that I am being propositioned to have a threesome only if I wear my cat onesie
Cocaine is ok on a cleanse, right?
You KNOW it was a good night when you find French fries AND taco remnants in your bra when you get home...
the roommate is literally cooking green eggs n ham, and I'm too hungover to see straight. Dr Seuss nightmare.
Randomize
